and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize