guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
