you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
