Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
