Yo dont text me then not text me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
