Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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