Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
