I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
