allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
