I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
