she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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