I think I won the penis lottery.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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