She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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