yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
