I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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