So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
