ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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