Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
