Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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