Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
