My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
