I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize