I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
