if you like me you must not know who I am
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
