Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
