dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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