So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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