All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
did i walk over a car last night?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
