If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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