dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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