well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
