Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
