i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
