I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
