distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
