i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
