You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I cut my penus on the lid.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
