when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
