My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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