i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
