When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
