Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
