"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
