I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
