So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
