She announced her abortion via fbk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
