Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
