it's too hot outside to masturbate.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
