yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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