I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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