first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
