And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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