If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
