NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize