I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
