now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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