Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
