i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize