he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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