Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
