real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
