Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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