I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
