You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
