i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
