puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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