The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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