just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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