i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
